It's Potty Time
I vividly remember potty training. This probably means that I used the "little potty" way too long.WARNING WARNING WARNING: TMI(TOO MUCH INFORMATION). THIS IS POSSIBLY THE MOST HORRIFYING STORY THAT YOU WILL EVER READ!
Nagymama always told me not to go near the "Big Potty" because she was afraid that I would somehow fall in it and drown. To protect me, she claimed that there was a man hiding in the bowl that would grab my butt and suck me down into the sewer forever. Ironically, I recently discovered that this doesn't happen if you sit on the toilet, just if you sit on a crowded subway.
Anyhow, I was only supposed to use the small plastic potty that was placed on the floor adjacent to the big potty. From that point forward, every time I went to the bathroom alone, I would close the lid of the big potty with Nagymama's back scratcher and cover the lid with miscellaneous shampoo bottles. If I couldn't reach the shampoo bottles, I would pile some of my McDonald’s Happy Meal toys on top of the big potty to weigh it down so the man wouldn't still escape and suck me in while I was "busy" on the little potty. I performed this ritual every single time I went to the bathroom. No wonder I turned out to be so anal retentive.
One day, I tried to sit down on the plastic potty and my butt wouldn't fit. A waive of terror washed over me; I was stuck between a pot and a small place.
I walked over the big potty and precariously lifted the lid. I glanced into the bowl and was surprised to see that there was no man inside. I figured he was still hiding, waiting for my butt. I looked up and spotted a shiny metal handle on top of the toilet. I curiously pulled on it and it made a loud "BAWOOSH!" sound and the bowl started to fill with water. I got so scared that I ran out of the bathroom screaming.
I could hear my mother sigh from her bedroom. “Stephie, quit playing vit dah toilet. You’re vasting vater.”
On that day, I decided that I didn't need to go potty anymore ever again. So I held it. And held it. And held it...
(to be continued)
Nagymama always told me not to go near the "Big Potty" because she was afraid that I would somehow fall in it and drown. To protect me, she claimed that there was a man hiding in the bowl that would grab my butt and suck me down into the sewer forever. Ironically, I recently discovered that this doesn't happen if you sit on the toilet, just if you sit on a crowded subway.
Anyhow, I was only supposed to use the small plastic potty that was placed on the floor adjacent to the big potty. From that point forward, every time I went to the bathroom alone, I would close the lid of the big potty with Nagymama's back scratcher and cover the lid with miscellaneous shampoo bottles. If I couldn't reach the shampoo bottles, I would pile some of my McDonald’s Happy Meal toys on top of the big potty to weigh it down so the man wouldn't still escape and suck me in while I was "busy" on the little potty. I performed this ritual every single time I went to the bathroom. No wonder I turned out to be so anal retentive.
One day, I tried to sit down on the plastic potty and my butt wouldn't fit. A waive of terror washed over me; I was stuck between a pot and a small place.
I walked over the big potty and precariously lifted the lid. I glanced into the bowl and was surprised to see that there was no man inside. I figured he was still hiding, waiting for my butt. I looked up and spotted a shiny metal handle on top of the toilet. I curiously pulled on it and it made a loud "BAWOOSH!" sound and the bowl started to fill with water. I got so scared that I ran out of the bathroom screaming.
I could hear my mother sigh from her bedroom. “Stephie, quit playing vit dah toilet. You’re vasting vater.”
On that day, I decided that I didn't need to go potty anymore ever again. So I held it. And held it. And held it...
(to be continued)
Labels: anyu, Nagymama, toilet humor
posted by Shinygrape at
7:49 PM
Click 
1 Comments:
We never did the potty thing. We always used the regular toilet, though clearly while we were still small, it required a certain amount of baby-sitting (not to be confused with baby-shitting).
I recall being rather confused when visiting with another young'un and seeing the little potty and thinking it must be a toy toilet. There was no way to flush the thing after all and surely it wouldn't be used since that would be gross and all.
August 28, 2008 2:55 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home